Finding Balance in the Chaos: A Month of Struggles and Small Victories

It’s been a while since I’ve had a chance to sit down and write. Life has been an absolute whirlwind, filled with more than a fair share of challenges. The past month has felt like an endless cycle of emergencies, injuries, and struggles. I spent time in the ER after a nasty fall that left me with an injured hand and ankle, followed by surgery for a cyst removal, and now, I find myself battling a cold that refuses to let go. It’s been one thing after another, and with each new hurdle, my body feels like it’s leaning whichever way the wind blows.

Living with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) is like walking a tightrope on the best of days, but recently, it’s felt more like a tightrope in a storm. My balance has taken a nosedive, and I’ve been experiencing multiple falls each day. Every step has become a calculated move—figuring out how to get up or sit down, turn without toppling over, or manage the stairs without losing my footing. It’s not just exhausting; it’s mentally draining to have to think through each and every movement to keep from falling.

Adding to the chaos are the countless appointments, both for myself and for the kids. With my son in preschool, my daughter in 5th grade, and my oldest son in his senior year, there’s always something on the calendar. And let’s not forget the lawn—mowing it twice a week has become a necessary evil. One day for the backyard and another for the front, both repeated twice weekly. It’s relentless and feels like just one more thing weighing me down.

I’ve been needing assistance with walking more than ever before. Whether it’s getting up from a chair, turning a corner, or tackling the stairs, I find myself grasping for anything sturdy enough to hold me up. My husband, kids, and even my niece have been an incredible support system, always there when I need a hand or a moment of reprieve. Yet, even with all the help, the weight of relying on others can feel heavy. It’s hard not to feel a sense of guilt and frustration, wishing I could do more, be more. I know this is just a rough patch, but it's hard to see the other side when you're in the thick of it.

On top of all that, the constant need to plan my every move makes me feel like I'm living in a different reality from most people. The simple act of walking or standing is something that many take for granted, but for me, it's become an intricate dance of caution and calculation. The fear of falling is always there, lurking in the back of my mind. I can’t help but wonder when my body decided to turn against me in such a drastic way.

But amidst all these challenges, I try to find small victories to hold onto. The moments when I do manage to stay upright all day or when I get through a night without waking up feeling nauseous are worth celebrating. I’m learning to be kinder to myself, to recognize that some days are just harder than others, and that’s okay.

I remind myself that it’s not about how many times I fall but how many times I get back up. Each day is a chance to keep moving forward, even if it’s just one small step at a time. The journey isn’t easy, but I’m still here, still fighting, and still finding reasons to smile through it all.

So here’s to another week, another day, another moment of finding strength in the storm. And as always, thank you for being here, for reading, for understanding, and for walking this journey with me. Together, we can face whatever comes our way.